Dear Prince Mohammed bin Nawaf bin Abdulaziz,
Thank you for your letter dated the 26th October detailing your concerns about the lack of respect the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland has for the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. I would like to take this opportunity to detail some concerns of my own.
In your letter you speak of the alliance that we as nations have had for generations and how strong that alliance has been. Do not take our recent withdrawal of a joint prison training venture as a sign that this alliance is weakening. It is more like we would prefer not to reveal ourselves on the world stage as co-conspirators in barbaric and feudal penal systems. Not just yet anyway.
Also, please do not believe that we have disrespected you in the way that your sheikhs and princes come over here and deliberately flout and disrespect our laws and then claim diplomatic immunity because they have money. We would never dream to have the arrogance to do so. It's an utterly preposterous accusation that you level at us.
Finally, my dear Prince, can I just say a few words that might cause alarm. My sister has a job. My mother has a job. My girlfriend has a job. And, would you believe it, we allow them to drive over here. Now stick that in your pipe and smoke it. You can have my respect when the women in my life and the women of this planet have yours.
Warmest regards and pass on my best to your charming wife, I hope the chain attaching her to your stove isn't aching so much after you gave her that cream,
James
